Thursday, September 11, 2008

Thursday September 11th

Happy Birthday Jean!

Here we go! This image is for my very scientific friend Scott. This is me all day and any day that you need it. I saw it and thought of you and how you might giggle with me.

The Vitruvian pretzel.

Today is a day of remembrance. We all know exactly where we were and what we were doing when we found out what was happening. I was up early cleaning my house that morning because I was going to London and Paris for a 14-day vacation on the 14th of Sept. and I am a freak about having a clean house when I get home from a trip. I stood and stared for hours and watched in horror.

I do not know how many of you have ever meandered around NYC below Canal St. It is a maze and the towers were always there to give you a point of reference. I lived in NYC for over 7 years. I personally knew people that escaped the towers and I lost clients from my other profession that day. I did not get to go to Europe till that Christmas and was not fully aware of the reality of it till I got back from that return flight. When I went through Customs in NJ I was confronted with it full on for the first time. NJ has a full view of Manhattan from customs and immigration and when I saw the towers missing for the first time in person the reality of it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I do not know what to say about today other than we must remember those that were lost, those that responded and those that remain. The wounds are deep and the pain real. I have been reading that there are many that would like to have this day be a National Holiday. If that is the case then I can only say that we need to add December 7th to that list as well. We as a nation do remember and we honor all from those moments in our own personal ways and it is always in our national conscious.

My remembrance for this day stands in such drastic contrast to here and now. I am tired of being told that I have to live in a perpetual state of fear. It is time to look anew and to regain our standing in the world as the country to look to and to know that our values stand for something real. I am tired of scandals and cover-ups, I am tired of losing my civil liberties all in the name of national security and I am tired of having a government that believes the worst of its citizens. I so desire a new direction for our nation, one away from war and confrontation to a nation that is looked up to once again.

I have been looking long and hard at the entirety of my life over the past year and I have come to realize that no matter what, there are times that will remain with you forever. Those times mold you and make you who you are. I have my personal demons, we all do, and in some ways, those have kept me from being able to be a truly open human being. I have kept many of these moments to myself for a very long time and in doing so I demean the experience in some strange way. Each of those moments has been a major crossroads in my life and these have made me what I am. There are always ways for improvement and there is always the good to go with the “could have done better.” I have made some whoppers on both sides of the road. This has been a time of peeling back the layers of the onion and looking at each layer head on and learning from each experience. I will always contend that I have never meant to cause harm with malice and I have always loved with all of my heart to the very core of my soul. I stated that I am looking forward on a clear and honest path without distortion and with out excuses, owning my faults and seeing the truth where I could not before. It is a good path and a hard one but a crossroads that was a long time in arriving.

I want to let all of those that email while I am on this journey of self that it means the world to me to hear from all that are on similar journeys, we all know that we are of the human race. Have faith in the process.

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