Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Really Fun Song and Lyrics

Xoxo, Panda
Sleepy Tigers ?

Oh I like you so very much so much in fact I gotta wake you up
It’s not that I have words to speak
I just wanna see you looking at me
In a way, that states
In an hour when the sun comes up
We’re gonna put on our shoes we’re gonna shake the dust
Open the door with your brand new key
We won’t be afraid of being sweet
to ourselves
Or anybody! anybody else!

Oh I miss you so very much so much in fact i gotta call you up
It’s not that I have news to bring
I just wanna make your telephone ring
So it shows and you know
In a week when I fly back home
We’re gonna jump in bed and be all alone
you’ll make biscuits and I’ll make tea
We’ll curl up close and then fall asleep
To the sound… of no one else no else around

And if I’ve learned anything at all
In this short life of mine (it’s this)…
If you hear that joy has come to town
Track it down, take a picture and tape it to your eyes

Oh I love you so very much so much in fact I'm gonna switch it up
I'm gonna take this room that I built for fun
And burn down the walls in front of everyone
So they see, you and me

Dancing in our sleepy clothes
With two big smiles and a bowl of hope!
That we’ll drink down like ginger tea
The heat will help us forget everything
That you and I, that you and I have seen

And if I’ve learned anything at all
In this short life of mine (it’s this)…
If you hear that joy has come to town
Track it down, take a picture and tape it to your eyes

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Tuesday February 24th

Well yesterday it was over 90ยบ here in Tucson and I today is in the mid-eighties. I am starting to have a bit of faith that winter may be ebbing away towards the spring. I got a lot done in my back yard yesterday and will soon be making my way towards the really awful front yard. I mean it is really bad and the last rains have not helped the matter at all. Now in order to fully grasp the stinky situation I think I may be one of the few people in Tucson that actually has decent soil. I do not have the compacted clay called caliche (I think I have spelled it correctly) I have really GOOD dirt and I actually have grass, weeds and other things growing that require so much maintenance after the rains. Well I am there now and I have to break out all of the proper tools.

And…Oh, so very soon I will be able to wake in the mornings walk out my bedroom door and dive into my pool to swim my laps again. I crave the heat again. I want my bones to be warm again.

I opened up a very excellent article today. There have bee jaguars spotted in NM and AZ. This is an image of a cat that was tagged and collared for tracking south of Tucson. The simple fact that that this species is even remotely near humans is a truly amazing thing, the majesty and beauty of this creature had always taken my breath away. I remember seeing the National Geographic specials when I was a kid and loved seeing this feline on the move. It is one of the true definitions of natural grace in motion.

So… here is the show news for the day. I have taken away one of my classes at B&B and replaced it with another Viking Double-Knit Class. It is getting harder and harder to fill the chain technique classes. I feel that this trend may be reaching its saturation point. Only time will tell that future.

Now I did talk about the truly geek nature of me and I am once again reminded of the reality of that fact. I kind of started counting how long I can take it from haircut to haircut and it is almost exactly 6 weeks to the day before I get all crazed and insane about looking scruffy. So, today almost 6 weeks to the day I got all spruced up for my classes at Bead Fest Santa Fe. I have 4 spots left in the Chain Making Class and 8 left in the Sunday Pendant Making Class and given the state of the economy these days I think that the class sign-ups are going very well.

How many of us are so sick and tired of those chain emails that we all get fine droves and droves? My friend Michele Goldstein sent me this JPG-File a week or so ago & I hope that no one is offended by the language that I am posting. I just thought that this was one of the funniest things I had seen in awhile.

Now on a silly note: I find the capacity for people to be proprietary and self-involved astounding. What person has the right to say who can be friends with whom? Why is it necessary to have to choose sides and lines drawn and to make others feel like they have gone back to Jr. High School for daring to maintain a simple relationship? When we reach adulthood are we not able to make these choices for ourselves? I am amazed at the childish nature of the human condition to maintain the illusion of control. I guess the answer must be no we are not & that silly and childish behavior must be indulged.

Monday, February 23, 2009

just a random poem to entertain

Mad Girl's Love Song
Sylvia Plath

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

Monday February 23rd

I took the weekend off from the world and all that I had to do and was a bit of a hermit, even more of one than I have been since the beginning of the year I guess. I got kits made for Santa Fe. I started working and re-writing a few handouts that needed some updates and will start printing those out tomorrow or the next day. I think that I just kind of needed to be lost for a few days.

I watched the Oscars on Sunday night and I have to say that I was very pleased with the entire production. I thought that the set was AMAZING and that the lighting was particularly outstanding. All of the production values were very well done and I LOVED the 5 former winners all on stage each saluting on of the nominees for the 4 categories of performers. I loved Whoppie Goldberg’s nun remarks to Amy Adams…Now that was comedy. I thought that the new format lent itself back to an elegant evening that did not look like a who’s who of rotating stars.

I could not be more pleased than to see the screenwriter Lance Black and actor Sean Penn both win for Milk. As an openly gay person in our country at this time (especially after the elections in November) it was especially gratifying to see this movie get the recognition that it deserved.

I lit my graduate lighting thesis on a production of Execution of Justice by Emily Mann. It is a play that chronicles the trial of Dan White and reveals the entire Twinkie Defense and all that Mr. White did to get away with the premeditated murder of Harvey Milk and Mayor George Moscone.

To this day it was one of the most intense and most profound productions that I ever had the honor to be involved with. I have such a visceral reaction to the script that I innately knew what I had to do. It was the easiest and the hardest production that I ever had to light. It was SO personal to me. I find it amazing, the hatred that can be roused inside a person to lead them to an act of violence that actually made me hate Dan White. It took me a great deal of research and talking to those that were involved to see deeper into the each person and their lives. I am sure that she will never remember me but I had a 4-hour conversation with Diane Feinstein about that day and what it meant to her.

I got some very nice work done at my bench over the past few days and I actually reorganized my entire studio while listening to my entire Prince collection and talking on a video call for the better part of the day. It was a very excellent weekend where that was concerned and I had a great deal of fun and just kind of recharged myself for a few days.

Now for the real NEWS…ARE YOU READY?
There is 1 day and 14 hours till the opening of SPRING TRAINING.
I have gotten myself a ticket to the D-Back’s vs White Soxs opening day on Friday at Tucson Electric Park and my friend Vickie is actually coming into town to see Saturdays game against the Texas Rangers. I have not seen Vickie for almost a year and I am so excited to have her here even if it is for such a brief visit. Better 36 hours over nothin’…Right. I was going to go see her over my birthday but her BAD-ASS high powered job ended her in LA and we had to cancel. So, I am very happy that she is going to be here sop soon.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Thursday February 19th


It is known that I have a love affair with words and that I have an even deeper love for the written word. Yet in the written word things can be missed, misunderstood, misinterpreted and misconstrued. (today seems to be a day for words starting with mis…) This can happen because the inflection of the voice is missing and the intent viewed behind the eyes cannot be witnessed. Forming thoughts is hard enough and writing them out can be even harder; the act of interaction and direct dialog can often let me find a path to form thoughts that might elude me otherwise. I have found that the simple act of direct contact is elementally necessary to understanding the human condition. In my past I had let myself be relegated to a realm of existing almost solely in written form. (I know that sounds strange but it is true.) That acquiescence was a mistake. I let my voice and my intent be silenced and contained. It was at that time that I tried to really find an avenue to a voice for myself with writing. I have always written, kept a ragtag journal trying to form thoughts into coherent sentences. I have no idea if I have made any great strides in this effort but I do feel that I have gained something. This last year of writing has given me a greater insight into myself and re-reading my words at times has let me see a thread that I may have missed otherwise. I have found my words hard to come by as of late. Maybe this is the start to seeing that thread again.

Anne Sexton

Be careful of words,
even the miraculous ones.
For the miraculous we do our best,
sometimes they swarm like insects
and leave not a sting but a kiss.
They can be as good as fingers.
They can be as trusty as the rock
you stick your bottom on.
But they can be both daisies and bruises.
Yet I am in love with words.
They are doves falling out of the ceiling.
They are six holy oranges sitting in my lap.
They are the trees, the legs of summer,
and the sun, its passionate face.
Yet often they fail me.
I have so much I want to say,
so many stories, images, proverbs, etc.
But the words aren't good enough,
the wrong ones kiss me.
Sometimes I fly like an eagle
but with the wings of a wren.
But I try to take care
and be gentle to them.
Words and eggs must be handled with care.
Once broken they are impossible
things to repair.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Tuesday February 17th

Day Dream
A.S.J. Tessimond

One day people will touch and talk perhaps
And loving be natural as breathing and warm as sunlight,
And people will untie themselves, as string is unknotted,
Unfold and yawn and stretch and spread their fingers,
Unfurl, uncurl like seaweed returned to the sea,
And work will be simple and swift
as a seagull flying,
And play will be casual and quiet
as a seagull settling,
And the clocks will stop, and no one will wonder
or care or notice,
And people will smile without reason,
Even in winter, even in the rain.

I am settling into the requirements that are necessary for me to start the process of getting ready for Santa Fe. I am so looking forward to seeing this city and spending a few days exploring all that I can. I am actually planning on going early to do some real exploring of the city and experience all that the city has to offer.

My tasks on my list are many and I have found that these days are also full of much to contemplate and consider. I am finding the time to write all that I am experiencing and doing has dwindled. I have a great deal that is whirling around in my all to cluttered mind yet I am having a time sorting it out.

I guess that this cluttered distraction can all by siphoned down to taking my life one moment at a time and not over thinking these moments and not demanding any more out of my life than it can offer me right here, right now and right at this point in time. Living this way has been a truly eye opening experience and one that I find has been a profoundly & personally expanding one. I think that it has been a very good way for me to start living and learning.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Monday February 16th

Class went very well this weekend and I am beat..
So much to do and even more to consider. More later today....

Song Lyrics

Saturday, February 14, 2009

For Valentines Day

To all of those who love or dare to dream of the possible.

(I do not love you...)
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Pablo Neruda

Friday, February 13, 2009

February 13th....Late!

Late night reading

The Root - King of Swords

The Root card deals with past events or influences that have played an important part in bringing about the current situation, and these influences are still likely to have an effect now.

The encouraging aspects of your situation at the moment have been brought about by using your skills and acting upon your ideas. You may have had to stand up for yourself to gain the respect you deserve. More difficult aspects are likely to be the result of deceit, oppression, thoughtlessness or indecision in yourself or others.

The Covering - King of Wands

The card in the Covering position highlights the important events, issues, attitudes or influences around the question or current situation.

This is a time when you need to act quickly, but with strength and pride. You must be sure that your actions are fair, justified and generous. Beware of any tendency towards belligerent or bigoted acts. Decide what you need to do, then just do it.

The Future - Ace of Cups: Love

The card in the Future position suggests fresh influences or events that are about to come into play and are likely to operate in the near future.

You are entering a happy time of pleasure and fruitfulness. This will be an excellent time to start a new relationship or take an existing one to new heights. There may be opportunities to make new friends, and artistic and creative pursuits will be particularly beneficial.

Friday February 13th

(YEEK...just realized the date)

The insanity of the Gem Show is now done for me. It is a bitter sweet kind of thing for me, as much as I love having everyone in town and staying with me I have to say that I am going to enjoy having a bit of quiet back in my house. My cats were real troopers and dealt with the invasion with typical cat aloofness and feline distain for the invasion of their domicile.

I have been in another world and another reality these past weeks. I have 3 or 4 posts started and have never made to the finished status. Every time I would sit down to write out a post I find that I am totally distracted, lose all sense of time and space and all of it would morph in ways that I can not explain, then I would look up and see that several days have passed and it all seems like a blur as I look back and try to piece time back together to see where it has gone.

They say that a boiled pot does not boil or that time flies while you are having fun…Well I am here to tell you that both are true in their own weird and funky way. I can be at my booth at a show and it can seem that time crawls like molasses in winter and yet I can look at a clock at 11 or 12 o’clock and then look again and hours have passed and it seems as if I have lost this time until I close my eyes and recall these hours. There are times when it takes an act of will to remember these hours and it is an act to keep the images and words all in order.

So once again I have to catch you up on this week.

Sunday Night: I had Gail, Stacey, Andrea, Whit Jill, JP & Bria over for a grill out. The evening met all predictions on all levels. We laughed so hard and for hours, the best part was that so little of the evening was spent talking about work or beads or anything other than random threads of conversation that made us all sore from our own laughter and the laughter of everyone around us.

Monday: Was the last day of the Whole Bead Show at the Windmill. It did seem a bit silly to have an entire day. 10am -6pm but those were the rules and we all lived up to the task. I was my typical self and had my entire booth broken down, packed up and in the trunk in about 20 minutes. Gail, Andrea, Whit & I went out to dinner and had a really nice last visit. Everyone was all a-buzz about the thought that there might be 1 to 3 inches of snow here overnight..I just kept saying..not likely to happen down here but up in the mountains yea...but not in town. (I was right.)

Tuesday: I had a whole list of things that needed to be done on Tuesday and the only thing in the list that was accomplished was my laundry. Jill came over and we pretty much spent the day being stupid and recovering from a weeks worth of insanity.

Wednesday: Gail More & I went to the Pueblo Inn & the River View Inn Mineral shows. I got some really fun pieces to work on and also got 2 more meteors to play with. I actually got a few hours by myself yesterday and actually fell asleep in the sun just like a sun-drunk kitten. I just sat down on my bed and just thought that I would close my eyes for just a moment and then woke up about an hour later.

Thursday: Gail Moore's last day with me. We had these plans to have a total play date at the bench but I remembered that I had to get out orders that had been sitting in my PalPay to do folder for days…That took the better part of the morning and after we both did our run to the Post Office we kind of had some resin fun with several pieces that Gail had prepped. We are BOTH trying to NOT touch the surface of the resin…It is SO hard not to touch the stuff…It is so COOL.

Friday: was a day of getting Gail ready to get out the door. Trying to get some printing done for her and making her life easier and that failed miserably in all counts. Gail left around 1pm and I have spent these last few hours just reacquainting myself with silence.

So that is it for now! I will have more tomorrow!
Teaching all weekend and looking forward to that as well

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Sunday February 8th

There are mornings that you wake up and you are just so amazingly happy to be alive. This morning was one of those mornings. I was talking on the phone way to late last night when the winter rains arrived here. I was lucky, that they lasted long enough that after the conversation I got to go stand out in the rain and get drenched down to my skin. The rain was cold but the smell of the rain on the desert breezes is just too much to pass by. But the real moment was this morning. As we were on the way out to the show today the light and the clouds and the snow on the Catalina Mountains. I was so glad that I was not the one driving this morning, poor Gail had to drive while I loudly exclaimed that "I Love Tucson in the WINTER!" Sorry Gail!

The day here at the show is starting off really well, quite a few friends have stopped by to say hello and to ohh and ahh over my booth…I must remember to pay them off properly, it has garnered several sales due to their attentions. Thanks guys.

Tomorrow is the last day of the show. I cannot believe that it is already done. Why does time move in such amazing lines. Fast…slow…and then at the speed of light…I can look at the clock at midnight and then look up again and see that it is 3am. I mean really, that is rather rude of time to get away from me like that.

Well I am going to have a gathering at the house this evening. We are going to grill out and just relax and laugh till we hurt. That is just what we do! Have as beautiful of a day as I am having!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Saturday February 7th

Have you ever hung onto something that you knew you should have let go of ages ago? There are things you are actually keeping for reasons that you cannot even imagine or fathom anymore and every once in awhile you just glance at them again to see that they are still part of you even though you know that they aren’t? Do you know that moment when you can finally say with a clear and determined voice “I am done with that”? I had that kind of a moment today and I have to say that I can highly recommend the cleansing nature of the act. I am very pleased indeed. It seems that some door has finally latched and that the path ahead is just a bit clearer. Each day like this is such an eye opening experience that keeps showing me all of the wonderful things that are right in front of me that I was not seeing. When you remember to really breath again, take in the air and let it clear out all of the cobwebs, there is no greater feeling to be had. I have recently re-discovered my desire to breath again and believe me the air is very sweet indeed.

The late night last night at the show was kind of hard. Being at your booth for 11 hours is not an easy thing at all. The show promoter was serving wine and cheese and gave all of the vendors these tiaras to wear. As you can see from the ensuing struggle, Andrea was determined to get me to wear mine…. let us be clear…What about me says Tiara? NOT ONE THING. I put up a valiant fight….and Andrea was laughing to hard to get the upper hand. Whew….it would not have been a pretty image for sure!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Friday February 6th

Today is day 3 of 6 of the Gem Show here and I have to say that the fact that anyone os here and shopping in this economy is a blessing. It is a really hard time to be an independent artist and we are grateful for the people that are doing what they can to help us keep doing what we do. It really is a symbiotic relationship, our efforts help them express their creative side and they help us do ours by supporting us. Talk about one hand washing the other. Things are hard right now and all of us are aware of it. The thing that I find unacceptable is the vendor’s that are complaining about it all. Things are hard but we are all in this together and most of us realize that we are gonna have to work harder for the next few years and that is just the way that it is. So, we just need to keep our eyes forward and keep racing for the finish line.

Things here are as funny as ever, Andrea is a totally kick in the pants and keeps me laughing during the entire day. I am grateful that there is internet access in the ball room and that I can write during the day and keep in touch with all of my peeps at the other shows. It is such a strange thing to be so close and want to see everyone yet be so beat that at the end of the day you just want to go crawl under your covers and find sleep as soon as possible. Well there are some that can stay up way past their bedtimes. I am one of those but I do like the relaxing horizontally part a great deal. Then the resting comes easier after that…and on to the next day with the morning infusion of coffee.

The chaos abounds and it is a beautiful thing to see. It is an interesting place to be, in the midst of chaos and knowing that you have chosen to simply watch and take each day as it comes and enjoy each moment as it overtakes your soul.

supposing i dreamed this)

e.e. cummings
supposing i dreamed this)
only imagine,when day has thrilled
you are a house around which
i am a wind-

your walls will not reckon how
strangely my life is curved
since the best he can do
is to peer through windows,unobserved

-listen,for(out of all
things)dream is noone's fool;
if this wind who i am prowls
carefully around this house of you

love being such,or such,
the normal corners of your heart
will never guess how much
my wonderful jealousy is dark

if light should flower:
or laughing sparkle from
the shut house(around and around
which a poor wind will roam

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Okay, My life is now officially crazed. I have been in an insane place for these last weeks and it does not seem to be getting any less insane. It is a wonderful sense of adventure, fun and excitement that is giving me a really amazing outlook on that which has been missing. It kind of goes with that poem that I posted the other day:

feel that i cleverly am being altered that i slightly am becoming
something a little different, in fact

I kind of feel that I am discovering a sense of myself that I had somehow lost or buried so deeply I had forgotten that is was part of me. Well, I guess that I feel a lightness that is very contagious.

I was asked the other evening would I have believed a year ago that I would be where I am now and if the wishes I had a year ago had shifted from where they are now. That question took me by surprise in many ways. Mostly, a year ago, I would have never thought that I would be viewing my life in an entirely new way. I cannot even imagine the place I was last year or ever wanting to go back to that place.

There are so many things that happen on the paths of our lives. Things that alter the directions that we are taking; change a point of view, give insight that you may have been blinded to before. We need to make sure that we are not asleep at the wheel when these times come along. This is all part and parcel of the crazed & insane right now!

So…to catch up…Things have been hectic at the home studio and getting ready for the Gem Show that opened yesterday. So, trying to find the proper time to post has been difficult and when I do have the time at 3am or 4am or 5:30am I am a bit out of it and may actually post inappropriate things. So I thought that taking a few days to gather my thoughts and write something that is worthy a better way to go.

The workshop went so well, we had a great 3 days and everyone did such an amazing job. I find that I have to keep reminding people that I make doing this stuff look easy, that is my job, but just look at what you have created. Look at what you have done with your own hands.

Gail Crosman Moore came in on Sunday night and prepped for our Metal & Patina One Day the following day. Man did we have a blast and wow did the ladies just go with the flow. Gail & I both had all of these ideas roaming around in our heads and we just kept saying….”what would you think if we tried this?????” It was a day full of creativity and lots of laughter.

So, Tuesday was a day spent at my bench in the morning getting the final pieces finished for the show. Nothing like leaving crap till the last possible minute, I can be a bit of a procrastinator at times, I do work hard but I can get distracted by the shiny or exceptionally beautiful things in life. So, I got all of those tasks accomplished and even had time to play in the meantime. I then had to get all of my display over to the show and set up my booth.

My sweet Jilly arrived later that evening and all I can say is that I was a horrible host. I was actually falling asleep while trying to entertain her during dinner. I just kept fading in and out of focus. And during all of this craziness one of my nearest and dearest came to town with my long lost and unknown Bhuddah….Cris & Paul were here for a few days and I got to have dinners with them and spend a bit of time together. It is never enough…I have not seen Cris since she came to visit last August. I can never have enough time with my friends. I miss them so when they leave, no matter how tired I am I get rather sad at those times. Even if they stand outside my house laughing loudly for 20 minutes after they leave….God, I adore my friends!

The first day of the show was as silly as shows can be and as hectic as shows can be, 2 spots down is one of the best-est of the best. Andrea Guarino Slemmons and Whit are here and we are being as goofy as always. The laughter abounds and it is like not a moment has passed since we saw each other last.

Here are shots that Andrea took yesterday at the show!

Setting up my booth before we opened.

Andrea's man Whit...I love him and want his hat!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Just some e.e. Cummings for the day!~

my mind is
e.e. cummings
a big hunk of irrevocable nothing which touch and taste and smell
and hearing and sight keep hitting and chipping with sharp fatal
in an agony of sensual chisels i perform squirms of chrome and ex
-ecute strides of cobalt
nevertheless i
feel that i cleverly am being altered that i slightly am becoming
something a little different, in fact
Hereupon helpless i utter lilac shrieks and scarlet bellowings.

Just a teaser for the real post

Sorry to have been such a slacker

It has been a Tom Waits kind of morning

Ol 55

Song Lyrics