Tuesday July 1st (amended)

This is the Astronomy Picture of the Day
Stuff like this is all that remains visible of a Milky Way star. Really cool!

Yesterday was hot and productive. Got yard work done and got further on my list of tasks. I find that if I do the tasks that I can get done efficiently and quickly first it feels as if I am not so overwhelmed. Well, that is the way that I am approaching this month. It seems to be working. I am finding that I can better gauge my remaining time and I think that I am actually getting more done in the long run.

I am distracted with way to many thoughts in my head late at night and am right back to really crappy sleep patterns. I was up, wide-awake at 3:15am. I got online to check the news and email and Ralph instantly on the IM telling me to turn off my light and go back to sleep. That did not work so we chatted for a bit. I will say that by 8:30am I had an entire days work done. So that is the only bonus that I can see.

You look so hard at things and with each look you actually see them differently. There are times when you review these things again you could not have been more correct. The problem is that when you are correct about those things you were really wishing with all of your heart to be oh so very wrong. Have you ever wanted to be so wrong about a thing that you actually wished for it? You actually wanted to be able to say, WOW! I have this whole situation figured so wrong, I am really sorry! I am in that kind of situation now and it is a fascinating place to be.

It is July 1st the year is half over and my world is in a true state of flux. There are a great many choices that need to be made in the next few weeks and months and they are, as always, choices that will have lasting effects. I am not one of those people that just make a rushed decision and then, damn the torpedoes, go full speed ahead without trying to fully think it through. Like I said the other day, I really do think of myself as a very good observer. I see it, understand it, and to the hardship of others, I will try to think it through before I say a word or make a move.

There are those out there in the world that actually mean what they say when they say it, but can change everything in an instant because the consequences of those initial actions have not been thought through to their conclusion. When that happens the rest of the f-ing world is left with no oxygen, gasping for breath and trying to figure out when the rules changed. I have known these people from my distant past and have seen the massive path of destruction that they leave in their wake and because of that I strive never be that person.

Many will look at some of my choices and would turn to me right now and tell me I was smoking something really strong and was not sharing. But I really do think things through and when I do, I actually see that future in my mind. (kind of like a movie) If I can see it like that I know that I have made a choice that I can always live with. It works so often, but when it doesn’t it is devastating.

When I am teaching someone how to start working with the metal I am always telling them that it will always a learning experience and that rushing things will always be a mistake. Learn to “listen” to the metal and you will learn it's secrets; you will learn to just instinctively know when it is the right time to go ahead. Maybe taking that kind of Zen approach to my life is what I need to accentuate. Could this Zen approach be the deafening sound of silence?