Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Wednesday January 14th

There are 2 things that are happening right now.

First, I got the Rio Grande Tool & Equipment Catalog in the mail today and I am relishing each page.

Secondly, I am watching the HOT STOVE REPORT on the new MLB channel on cable & getting myself all warmed up for the upcoming ’09 season. Spring Training is just over a month away! I am getting tickets the day they become available.

Life has amazing complexities that surprise you at every turn and when you are faced with them in no uncertain terms they are even more amazing. I have had a fascinating start to 2009. It has been an excellent start, not only have I been faced with some interesting questions I have also been faced to take a better look at myself and my own answers to these questions.

I was speaking to a friend a few evenings ago and was asked what I would consider to be one of my faults. As I pondered the question to come up with a respectable response, I remembered an earlier conversation that brought the answer to this question forward.

Several days before this question was asked, I hurt one of my best friends. She and I were having a discussion about teaching and I reiterated a previous statement and I had, in fact, offended my friend. I heard a shift in the tone of her voice and inquired as to what was wrong. When as I was told of the way that I actually sounded and how my words were interpreted I was devastated. I never would have wanted my words to be heard in that way. I have an ease with this friend and that ease has always given me a freedom to speak off the top of my head and to loosen the “Life Filter” that all humans should have in place.

Now I have a right to my opinion, that is certain, but what I do not have the right to do is express that opinion without actually hearing my words before I say them. Because I had not thought it through and considered how my words were heard I hurt someone that I hold as one of my dearest friends and that is just something you do not do. What I wanted to express, was in no way, what I had ended up saying.

So how does this relate to a fault? In forcing me to look at the way that I had expressed myself I was required to look at the reasoning for the original statement. I have always believed of myself that I am not one to judge another person. But now, I have to preface that statement. I do make judgments; we all do in some manner. It is just how was act out on those judgments that makes us what we want to be. I have to admit that I can be a harsh judge on some things; I am a harsh judge on a professional level. I know that it is not fair at all but I do hold instructors to higher standards. As an instructor, I feel a very distinct obligation to make sure that I am always prepared and am the best that I can be at what I do and I have a huge problem with teachers that do not hold themselves to that high a standard.

So, in this, I am my own worst enemy, I am a dichotomy. What I do not judge people for is decisions that they make regarding life choices, who am I to judge that. Who am I to judge how a person chooses to live their life. I have made many choices that would be considered by many to be very poor ones. But much to my personal shame, I do not suffer fools or slackers and that is a fault. I have to constantly remind myself “Who am I to judge a person as a fool or a slacker” & “what do I know of their life”. I can judge to quickly in this area and I fight it everyday. I got handed a huge lesson in humility the other day and it is a lesson that I am grateful was handed to me by a friend.

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