Tuesday April 27th ~ 2010

My months journeys are coming to conclusion. I spend this evening in Oklahoma City and as of tonight I have driven over 7000 miles. Within the first 60 minutes of driving to morrow I will pass into Texas on my way home and it seems like a lifetime ago that I was driving east on my April adventure.

There were a great many wonderful experiences and a few that left me wondering.

The Auction for Meesh was an unqualified success. I watched as the auctions came to the closing minutes and I was so moved by the people driving up the bids. We came together as a community to render aid to a fellow artist and to a friend and I have never been more proud of the people that I call friends, colleagues and conspirators. Gail and I were both moved to the core of our souls for what we saw as a unifying spirit that binds out wonderful little community together.

What has left me wondering over these last few weeks is what is ego exactly. I learned my lesson about my own the day that Gail & I announced the auction. I re-posted Gails Blog on mine and the comments were all aimed at Gail and props for her for what she was trying to do for a friend. I have to say that those comments praising Gail got my "green eyes" flaring and after about 5 minutes of feeling undervalued I kicked myself in the ass and asked myself what I was doing this for? Was I trying to help a dear friend or was I looking for a pat on the back. I guess what was important is that it only took me a few minutes to realize that I was being an ASS.

What I am trying to get at is that I am so very worn out by the games and that are played  solely for maximum effect. These are individuals that just want to make sure that they are seen by as many as possible in the best light possible. The problem is that they are not any of the things that the profess to be. The fact of the matter is, the game that they play will never win them the final acclaim that they desire. The reality and the selfish egotism cannot be sustained over time and their true colors will be seen in the end.

I have gotten to spend a great deal of time this month contemplating many things as I watch the miles and the scenery pass by. I am grateful for the solitude and for the time to delve deeper into my own ego and give myself a reality check on what is truly important in my life.