Wednesday December 16th

Washington Irving: "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."

I approach each holiday season with trepidation. It was 4 years ago, Christmas Eve, my father was admitted into intensive care and I rushed home Christmas Day to be with my mother and father. My parents friends rallied around my mother and were there for her and for us. I spent the next week at home, spending my days at the hospital and evenings with my mother in my childhood home that I had not seen in over a decade. As I was getting ready to go back to California, I kissed him and told him I would be back as soon as I could. At that moment I looked into my fathers eyes and held his gaze as I never had before. I hesitated, knowing what I did not want to know, that this was the last moment that we were going to ever see each other. The depth of his gaze will be with me forever, he knew.

I dream of my father often. Mostly we are doing stupid stuff, regular things, then we always end up walking side by side talking. My most vivid dream of him came months if not a year ago when I turned to him in my dream and just simply told him that I missed him so much, he just continued walking and replied " I know, I miss you too."

I share this story now for one reason only, the holiday season can bring so much family tension. Cherish the moments that you bring those you truly love together and always look your loved ones int he eye, make contact & tell them how much they mean to you and how much they mean in your lives. There is nothing more intense, screwed up or more precious than our families. They know our past, our secrets, our weaknesses and our fears and yet… they are still family…nothing can replace them, no matter how hard we try...